I wish someone would look at me the way Emma Watson looks at Chewbacca in this movie. Seriously, a third of the new Disney remake of “Beauty in the Beast” is a montage of Hermione Granger going gaga over Bigfoot, but by the end of this film you are really rooting for Hermione and Bigfoot.
Yes, Dan Steven’s portrayal of the Beast is beyond brash and ill tempered, but that’s because he’s all cursed and sad and secluded from society (which can’t be healthy for any young wookiee-man). He’s just misunderstood, and maybe Emma Watson can fix him. I mean we’re talking about Emma Watson here. This is the wizard who pulled Ron and Harry out of more than a few close encounters.
The big issue the viewer faces watching this musical spectacle is Hermione’s alternative love interest, the self-absorbed Gaston, is as evil as ever. I mean, he does some downright heinous s***. I don’t seem to remember cartoon Gaston tying up Belle’s father and “leaving him for the wolves” in the original but … alright Disney. Either way, the new version of “Beauty and the Beast” tells the story of how men can be the absolute worst, and as a 23-year-old college senior, I’ve come to wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment.
Let’s take a hard look at Gaston for a second. Every collegiate male has been Gaston at one point or another — at least a little bit — but the truth is that we shouldn’t be Gaston at all. Gaston is terrible. Gaston doesn’t listen to anyone. Gaston just keeps asking Belle out even though it’s just painfully obvious she’s not going to be Mrs. Gaston. The guy doesn’t take any hints, and it’s infuriating to the viewer.
Plus, I’d venture to say Gaston lets his insecurities get the absolute best of him at the expense of the townspeople. He jumps to all these conclusions about “We should go kill the beast,” riling up the village with the kind of dark, doomsday prophecies that are usually reserved for Trump rallies in Mississippi. Like Trump rallies in Mississippi, they work too. No one lies on their feet like Gaston.
No one is as vain as Gaston either. One particularly pertinent scene begins by panning left to reveal Luke Evans’ character confessing his love … for himself … in a mirror. While talking yourself up before you go mac at the finest girl in the village is one thing, Gaston is so full of himself he makes Kanye West look like Ghandi in the following scenes.
The man is not humble by any stretch of the imagination. So naturally he does not humbly accept defeat when Mrs. Granger tells him seven different ways “I’m not interested. We will never be together. I’m sorry. Boy bye.”
No man has made it through his life without hearing this from someone at some time. It’s a normal occurrence, especially in a college atmosphere. Even the male version of Emma Watson would hear these words at some point (if there was a male version of Emma Watson who was as beautiful as Emma Watson). What matters is how young men like Gaston handle this rejection.
In Gaston’s case, you tie up your crush’s dad in the woods and also shoot Chewbacca in the back THREE different times. Not good. Like, stop shooting Belle’s boo in the back, dude. It got excessive. The Beast is no saint (he doesn’t just look like a mule, he’s as stubborn as one), but at least he lets Belle go save her dad instead of imprisoning her forever like he keeps talking about doing. But why was that an option in the first place?
Few men in this movie are great role models (the only ones are inanimate objects that can sing), but hopefully the Beast’s transformation into a glistening hero in jean shorts is hope that troubled men can change. Still, in an era where it seems like Gastons are running the world, I think moviegoers ought to be reminded that it ultimately doesn’t pay to be Gaston.
The lesson I hope men take away from this movie and Gaston’s experience is cut your losses and move on when someone of the opposite sex (or, hey, same sex if you’re like Gaston’s admirer Lafou) isn’t interested in you. Getting rejected doesn’t make a man a hideous beast. Freaking out about it does. Tying up someone’s father definitely does.
Not taking “no” for an answer does, as well. I’ve seen enough campus police reports to feel like part of our student body should be reminded of this.
What comes around goes around, and that’s a tale as old as time.
