Dee Billmeier sat on her living room couch as her daughter’s friend confessed that she was gay, a truth she had been hiding from her parents.
The girl wanted to see how coming out would feel, according to Billmeier. It was the mid-1980s in Memphis, when the AIDS epidemic was rapidly spreading in the United States. After building up the courage, the girl came out to her mother, a woman who didn’t know how to understand.
Billmeier soon afterwards discovered the Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays [PFLAG], a national grassroots organization founded in 1972 with 350 chapters and 200,000 members and supporters from large metropolitan areas to small rural communities. Billmeier found the Memphis chapter through a friend, and without knowing what to expect, loaded her daughter’s friend and her mother into her car and drove to St. John’s Church on the corner of Greer Street and Central Avenue, about 10 minutes from the University of Memphis.
The three women walked into a cramped room of 70 people, mostly University students, sitting in a circle on the floor confiding in each other. The girl and her mother returned for three meetings, and after much discussion, the mother was able to see her daughter as “normal,” according to Billmeier.
For her, the impact PFLAG had on her daughter’s friend’s mother was so profound that she felt she had no choice but to continue coming to the meetings. Since then, Billmeier hasn’t missed one for 22 years and now serves as the treasurer for the chapter.
“I wanted to stay because I saw the group was fighting for the rights of gay people,” Billmeier said. “The more we realize we’re all human beings, we’ll get along much better.”
The Memphis chapter of PFLAG was founded in 1986 and has been working for LGBT rights in the community for almost three decades. They have moved all across the city, with meetings taking place in church basements and conference rooms. Currently, the chapter meets at the Benjamin Hooks Central Library at 3030 Poplar Ave. on the first Thursday of each month from 6 to 8 p.m.
Billmeier believes that it is an exciting and interesting time to stand behind equal rights.
Opposition to gay marriage is at an all-time low in America. Fifty-eight percent of Americans support marriage equality, with 70 percent of those being young people, according to research gathered by the Human Rights Campaign.
Furthermore, 31 states have legalized same-sex marriage. President Barack Obama recently went on record saying that denying LGBT couples the right to marry is unconstitutional. However, the Sixth District Court of Appeals ruled recently that same-sex marriage bans in Ohio, Michigan, Kentucky and Tennessee may be upheld.
Despite dramatic gains for gay rights, Billmeier said she believes that the Memphis chapter of PFLAG still serves as an essential safety net for those in the LGBT community who are experiencing rejection from friends or family, bullying in school or discrimination at their jobs. While the country is more supportive than it was in previous decades, coming out is still one of the greatest challenges that many gay people face. Because of this, everything discussed at PFLAG’s meetings is confidential.
“People who have come here have revealed inner thoughts and secrets,” Billmeier said. “I believe we’re still needed and that there are issues that need to be resolved.”
Billmeier said that PFLAG has experienced both hate and love and all emotions in between from the surrounding community. One evening, a stranger burst through the doors during their meeting and said, “I know you like gay people, and it isn’t right.” On another occasion, a woman with cerebral palsy walked into their meeting, soaking wet from a heavy rainstorm. She was a single mother with a gay son who was being bullied in high school.
“She wanted to know if it was okay for her son to be gay,” Billmeier said. “It took her six months to come to PFLAG and even ask. After she did, she never came back. I felt so good that we were sitting in this room, waiting there for her.”
Richard Sparrow is the president of the Memphis branch of PFLAG. Sparrow first came across PFLAG in 2005 while attending a protest against Love in Action, a Christian organization that was operating a now-defunct gay conversion program called Refuge. Sparrow took the position after the group’s president passed away last year. Sparrow has two bisexual daughters, and after one was outed at her high school, he became an activist for the LGBT community.
“[I never liked] the idea of protesting,” Sparrow said. “I never thought it would be me.”
However, since becoming president, Sparrow has found himself at nearly every LGBT gathering in the community. Last year, while attending a Mid-South gay pride event, he ran into a man who was a former director of the Love in Action program. After leaving the organization, the man came to terms with his sexuality and is now living with his partner in Texas, according to Sparrow. Sparrow believes that without protest, education and communication, the man may have never come to that realization.
“It’s worth the battle,” Sparrow said.
Each month, PFLAG opens its doors to those in need. Whether they are acting as a shoulder to lean on, an ear to confide in or an active role in alleviating the life of someone suffering, Sparrow and Billmeier work alongside the Memphis chapter to do so in confidence. For Sparrow, each battle won is a small step in the larger fight for equality in the United States.
“When people talk and open up, others learn and grow,” Sparrow said.
