So they say Miss Cleo was a fake, huh?
Something about a phony Jamaican accent and whatnot. Shaggy, the guy who sang "bombastic," had a phony Jamaican accent too, but that's another story.
It's a shame about Miss Cleo, though.
We'd all like to be able to see into the future, wouldn't we?
Not for anything important like job advice, money or love, but much more important things like sports.
Thing is, I've actually always been able to tell the future.
I don't have any over-sized tarot cards or a crystal ball. Heck, I don't even have a cool accent, but I do have a magic 8-ball, and I stayed at Holiday Inn last night.
If you're one of those people who records a game and tries to go the whole day without hearing the score, then you should stop reading now.
If not, here are some of the things you'll hear in 2006 (and late 2005.)
"I think Reggie Bush is the clear-cut choice for the Heisman Trophy today, although Vince Young, Matt Leinhart, Brady Quinn and DeAngelo Williams all deserved to be here tonight."
- Lee Corso at the Heisman Trophy presentation
"Losing to Memphis hurts, but losing my job hurts even more. I think I'll have to go into construction and build actual fences now, instead of figurative ones."
- Former Mississippi coach Ed Orgeron
"I think I'm just going to shut up now."
- Terrell Owens
"I think I'm going to take a year off and follow the Widespread Panic tour."
- Dolphins running back Ricky Williams
"I'm think I'm going to take a year off and track Ricky down."
- Dolphins linebacker Zach Thomas
"I think I'm going to take a year off and never come back,"
- Conference USA commissioner Britton Banowsky
"There's no way I could ever leave this town. I'm here for as long as they want me."
- Tommy West
"Me too."
- John Calipari
"I'm not leaving until we win a national championship."
- Darius Washington
"With the 14th pick in the 2006 NBA draft, the Washington Wizards select Darius Washington."
- NBA commissioner David Stern
"I accidentally cut my finger with those scissors. Those nets can be hard to get down."
- Rodney Carney
"We're going to start playing one game a year in the Mid-South Coliseum. We'll wear throwback jerseys; all the fans will come dressed straight out of the '70s. The Roundhouse is back!"
- R.C. Johnson
"It's unavoidable. I've had to declare bankruptcy. Maybe now the baseball free agent market won't be a one-team race."
-Yankees owner George Steinbrenner
"I cheated alright? There, I said it."
- Barry Bonds
"I'm switching to caffeine-free Coke."
- Drew Rosenhaus
"I'm switching to a Mach 3."
- Grizzlies star Pau Gasol
"I'm giving up cigarettes."
- John Daly
"I'm giving up on golf."
- David Gossett
"I'm giving up on Jake Tsakalidis."
- Grizzlies coach Mike Fratello
"I'm so glad I decided to come to Memphis and play in the Kroger St. Jude Classic. If I hadn't, I never would've met Daniel Ford."
- Anna Kournikova
