"SURVIVOR: GUATEMALA"
The tribes merge and settle on a new name: Xhakum (the Bennifer-izing of Yaxha and Nakum). And yeah, I just used "Bennifer" as a verb. The former members of Yaxha strategize as they head to Nakum's camp. Gary: "Just go in there and act stupid for a little while." Bobby Jon: "Just be like we're glad to be here." Hmmm, they just described a typical Saturday night out. (8 p.m., all times ET, Thursdays, CBS)
"THE APPRENTICE"
Markus pitches an idea for an educational seminar on ... time management? "None of us have enough time. It's easy to say, 'Gee, time is what it is and let's not think about it,' but it's really ... it is what meaning you give it and then start talking about how those two things can, can, can end up in results." Speaking of time, that's five minutes of my life I can't get back. You're so fired. (9 p.m. Thursdays, NBC)
"LAGUNA BEACH: THE REAL ORANGE COUNTY"
Jason told me two weeks ago that he cheated on Lauren with Jessica and I said, "Why? You hate Jessica!" and he said, "I was drunk." Typical! Lauren: "You know what, I'm not in high school anymore. I don't think I should have to deal with this. I'm just so beyond it." Oh, Lauren. If you think the drama stops after high school, then you are sadly mistaken. (10 p.m. Mondays, MTV)
"THE REAL WORLD"
Wes attempts to impersonate Prince Harry - with a Kansas accent - in Costa Rica. Drunk guy: "Where are you from, man?" Wes: "England." Wow, American tourists really are stupid. (10 p.m. Tuesdays, MTV)
"DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES"
Susan: "I just can't believe it. I mean, there he is, a murderer just living right on our street, and there's nothing we can do about it because you're a convicted felon and I burned down that stupid house. It's unfair." As long as Paul Young is back, can we go ahead and bring back all of last season's story lines, too? (9 p.m. Sundays, ABC)
"GREY'S ANATOMY"
Dr. McDreamy and his formerly estranged wife go to couples therapy. McDreamy: "You wanted me to take you back, I took you back. Here in Seattle... I'm not going to move back to Manhattan. I'm not the same person." Addison: "I know, you're a flannel-wearing, wood-chopping fisherman. I get it." Hey. That's Dr. Fisherman to you, lady. (10 p.m. Sundays, ABC)
