If this were an episode of MTV's "Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County," it would be a sunny Saturday afternoon, and Alex M. and I would be shopping at Zebraclub in downtown Seattle, and I would be saying things like, "Ohmygod, so cute" about a pair of white, slouchy cowboy boots. Wow, I'm really good at being 18.
After spending the weekend chasing the Laguna kids all over Seattle, shopping on Saturday, dinner at Joeys Saturday night, brunch at the Sheraton on Sunday, I have a confession to make: I kind of have a crush on Jason now. But hold your disbelief for just a second, because I'm getting ahead of myself here ...
Alex M., Jason, Lauren ("LC") and Dieter were in Seattle in support of Dieter's charity, Running Home 4 Teens (rh4t.com), which he founded last year to raise awareness for teenagers suffering from depression and substance abuse after battling depression himself over his breakup with Jessica. Meantime, Stephen and Kristin also happened to be in town on Saturday night to host a foam party, which I didn't realize actually existed outside of episodes of "Elimidate," but anyway.
Since UW played USC on Saturday, I used the opportunity to bring up the subject of Matt Leinart when I met Kristin at the Grand Hyatt that evening. They dated for a couple of months at the beginning of "Laguna's" second season.
"He saw me on the show ... and called me out of nowhere one day," Kristin said. "I had no idea who he was, so I looked up his picture on the USC Web site, but it was a really bad picture, so I was like, 'Ew! I'm not calling him back!' " (I looked up his picture, too, and she's right- he looked kind of like Bob Guiney from "The Bachelor." Not hot.)
Kristin, who lives in Los Angeles and is pursuing acting, arrived hand-in-hand with Brody Jenner, 22, who starred in the short-lived Fox reality series "Princes of Malibu." He just bought her a French bulldog puppy, which she named Bentley.
By the way, Kristin and Stephen are so not getting back together. Dun-zo.
But I'm over it, because I'm pretty sure Lauren and Jason are the new Kristin and Stephen. Yes, they are totally dating, and he lo-o-oves her. He told me so as we were sitting outside Joeys Saturday night- he was smoking Parliament Lights and I was wearing his black fleece hoodie because it was cold and he offered. I know what you're thinking: I can't believe Pam was wearing fleece.
Here's what I was thinking: I can't believe Jason knows more than three words. I asked him why he never talks on the show. (Sample dialogue: "Wow." "What?" "Nothing.")
"It was just the situations they put me in. They (MTV) set you up and they'll be like, 'Listen, you're going to go to this place and talk about this.' It makes me really uncomfortable," he said.
That whole breakup scene with Jessica? Fake.
"I broke up with Jessica three or four weeks before that," Jason said. "I wasn't going to call her and break up with her on camera for real."
He doesn't talk to Jessica anymore, and he said he doesn't care for Alex M. much either. (I love Alex M. I want her to be my new best friend.) Jason and Jessica dated for less than two months; Jason and Alex M. dated for "like a minute," she says. "It was really fast."
"Jason's like the guy who you get a little buzz on and then you kiss him," Alex M. said. "I'm telling you, everyone has kissed Jason." (Later, I asked Kristin if she was the only girl in Laguna who hadn't kissed Jason. "I've kissed him!" she laughed. "But that's it.")
Jessica, meanwhile, is going to community college in Laguna and recently started hanging out with Dieter again. "She comes up (to Los Angeles) and I've been going back to Laguna a lot," Dieter said. "I love the girl and I'll always love her. She knows that." As for a reunion between the couple, he said, "I dunno."
Stay tuned. "Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County" airs 10 p.m. Mondays on MTV; a second-season marathon is scheduled to start at 4 p.m. Nov. 12. The season finale airs Nov. 14.
Some final tidbits:
Alex H. is moving in with Alex M. (and out of Kristin's place- scandalous!) in Los Angeles. Alex M. recently set her up with a guy in a band and they are now dating.
Casey's stepdad invented the frozen burrito and she lives in the old Gucci mansion in Laguna, according to Alex M. "MTV kind of forced me to be friends with her," she said.
Alex M. is recording an album. So is Talan.
Jason, Stephen and Dieter live together in Los Angeles in a 16th floor high-rise. Jason and Stephen are taking acting classes; Dieter is interning at a talent agency. None of them cleans the apartment. "You walk in there and you don't even see the floor," Jason said.
Kristin just scored a small role in an upcoming Al Pacino movie called "88 Minutes." She doesn't know what the part is, and she didn't have to audition.
Stephen is currently single and looking. He wants someone who is mature, has a good personality, loves to have fun and "can keep up." And by the way, he never hooked up with Paris Hilton.
WHO'S WHO IN "LAGUNA BEACH"
Kristin, 18: Laguna's breakout star and resident Mean Girl. "The way I was portrayed, I hated it," she says. "I feel like that's 10 percent of my personality. ... It's funny because if people only knew, I am the same dorky girl."
Stephen, 19: Major heartthrob involved in love triangle with Kristin and Lauren ("LC") in season one, downgraded to so last year status in season two. Currently single and looking.
Jason, 19: Laguna's second-season "bad boy." Was subject of a scandalicious love triangle with Jessica and Alex M., currently dating Lauren. Was away at boarding school during the first season.
Lauren ("LC"), 19: Laguna's "good girl" and narrator of season one, returned to Laguna after one semester of college during season two. Currently dating Jason and studying fashion in Los Angeles.
Alex M., 18: Portrayed as boyfriend-stealer and Kristin's arch-rival in season two. "They made me look like homewrecker girl, which is not true at all," she says. On her feud with Jessica: "It was like fighting with your girlfriend for two days in high school, and they prolong it for a month. And we both know Jason wasn't worth it."
Jessica, 18: Appeared briefly in season one as Dieter's girlfriend and Kristin's friend, dated Jason and lost him to Alex M. in season two. Recently started hanging out with Dieter again.
