Now they've gone and done it.
For years The Media has pushed, prodded and needled poor Barry Bonds for annoying, inconsequential details of his life like, "Did you take steroids?"
After months and months of abusive and detrimental questioning, it looks like he finally cracked.
Punch out another notch in our belts -- we got him.
"You wanted me to jump off the bridge," Bonds told a group of hitmen, I mean journalists, last week. "I finally have jumped. You wanted to bring me down, you've finally brought me and my family down. Finally done it."
Another one bites the dust.
Eyewitness reports state that the character assassins, I mean reporters, in attendance began high-fiving each other and saying things like, "You da man!"
Which was of course countered by shouts of, "No, you da man!"Soon after, a news van volunteered to drive Bonds to the Golden Gate Bridge for the leap.
This is the Orson Wells world where Barry Bonds lives. It's a world of paranoia and conspiracies where journalists play the role of Big Brother, out to control and destroy the Bondsian Empire.
After all, what business is it of ours if the guy is more juiced than a Florida orange?
Who cares that his wristwatch is a wall clock and that his hat size is the only thing swelling faster than his ego?
The family of Roger Maris for one. Hank Aaron for another. Then there are those wretched fans.
Those dorky purists of the game that want records to mean something.Those wannabe geniuses who think it's ridiculous that baseball's most sacred record, the single season home run record that stood for 37 years, was suddenly smashed by seven.
Or that a few years later Bonds broke that record by three more.Forgive me for going Jerry Seinfeld on you but, "Who are these people?"What moron can't see The Media has been after the always-humble Barry Bonds since day one?
Surely, the public can see through the 45-minute SportsCenter love fests that aired on a nightly basis the last two summers. Replay after replay of the latest Bonds bomb was thrown out for public consumption while his Powerball-like numbers began to look more like social security numbers than baseball stats.
Obviously, The Media was setting him up.
After all, is it really Bonds' fault the feds named his personal trainer, Greg Anderson, as a major link in the BALCO investigation? Or that a female friend of Bonds testified before a grand jury that Bonds told her about his steroid use?
Or that Bonds "accidentally" used 'roids in a cream form, not knowing what it was?
Are these things really Bonds' fault?
Of course not.
It's The Media's fault for reporting them.
Those no good jerks.
Why would they target the loveable Barry Bonds?
It's not like Bonds isn't a family man and the greatest dad in the world. He paraded his son out in front of the media as a sort of human shield. The only thing missing was the "#1 Dad" t-shirt.
Smart thinking bringing the kid out. You need that kind of protection when facing the firing squad, I mean writers.
What reason do those Media mongrels have for going after the faultless Barry Bonds?
So what if he shoved a couple of television cameras, threatened a couple writers, flipped off a few cameramen and walked out on interviews when reporters did ask upbeat questions.
When it's all said and done, once he finally does jump off that bridge, The Media will get to tell its outrageous lies.
That Barry Bonds is unstable.
That Barry Bonds is a jerk.
And that Barry Bonds is a cheater.
Final score, Bonds 0, The Media 1.
Unfortunately, the fans of baseball lost in the semis.
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