Alright, I try to find at least one redeeming quality in an album, but this record is just beyond me.
I'm talking about The Exies' major label sophomore release entitled Head for the Door. Believe me, this record is a little rough.
Formed in Los Angeles in 1997, The Exies signed to Virgin after a fluke gig in Miami and went on to release their debut Inertia, which achieved success on both radio and MTV.
Heading back to the studio soon after to record a tighter, edgier follow up, The Exies only manage to give us an album of filler and pose the question: how can someone actually listen to this?
Although it's not always the best idea to pre-judge an album only after the first song, this rule doesn't really apply when every single song sounds exactly like the next. One doesn't have to go any further after Head for the Door's opening track "Slow Drain." There isn't a single note of creativity on this entire record.
Promoted as radio friendly hard rock, The Exies, while certainly radio ready, are everything that's wrong with modern rock airwaves today.
With all tracks longer than two and a half minutes and only one cracking the four minute mark, virtually every song on Head for the Door follows the radio rock formula: crunchy riff verse followed by a somewhat melodic chorus, the standard bridge and then repeat a couple phrases from the chorus for a close, shoving the band into the dismal abyss of second rate grunge acts like Puddle of Mudd and Nickelback.
Speaking of grunge, the track "My Opinion" sounds disturbingly like the Nirvana song "Breed." It's sad to see how much influence bands like Nirvana gave to bands like The Exies. Just like Van Halen blazed a trail for endless amounts of bad shredding in the 80's, Seattle bands begat this hogwash.
Lyrically, Head for the Door ranges from inane to just plain ridiculous. On The Exies new single, "Ugly," front man Scott Stevens sings "we are dirt/we are alone/you know we're far from sober/we are fake/ we are afraid/you know it's far from over/turn my blind eye/why do I deny/medicate me/so I die happy."
I guess that just about sums up what I feel like when I'm listening to this piece of trash, or the fact I need to drink heavily next time so I can zone out while this is going on.
It gets worse though.
The Exies manage to slow those ballsy riffs down for a half hearted prom ballad entitled "Tired of You."
I can see the arena setting right now: Stevens up there starting the song off with his acoustic guitar, as fans go for their lighters. Soon the rest of the band kicks into that rocking but tender chorus as Stevens sings "I'm tired of breathing/tired of feeling/tired of looking at the past for meaning/tired of running/tired of searching/tired of trying/but I'm not tired of you."
You know what? I was going to say I'm tired as well, but now is not the time to be tired but motivated! Since this type of dribble is so popular these days, why not cash in?
If Head for the Door has taught me anything, it's shown I need to drop out of school, grab my guitar and write some sleaze rock hits of my own. I mean, there's a market for this crap and if these guys can get a record deal, tour the country and make plenty of money doing it then why the hell can't I?
I'll need some help though, so this review has officially become a classified to find a drummer, bassist and vocalist for my new crap, err, I mean awesome rock band. Influences range from The Exies to Creed.
Talent or experience isn't really necessary, but if you want to do vocals I would like you to start smoking 3 to 4 packs a day to get that gruff and edgy croon voice. If you don't have your own equipment, buy some on credit, because I expect a record deal by at least our second gig. Email me if you want in. Oh yeah, leather and denim wardrobes only.
