I Pity the poor studio heads.
With Friends gone the way of Seinfeld, and CSI spawning copycats (even of itself), it appears that reality TV is here to stay.
But every person I talk to about television programming is sick to death of reality television -- the Survivors and the Appren-tices and the Big Brothers and every other clone beamed into our homes.
Despite all the negative feedback, though, the networks -- and now cable -- continue to throw these shows at us, which tells me that somebody must be watching them. It is all about money, after all, and if these shows weren't so popular, and lucrative, then we wouldn't be inundated with them.
I have to wonder if anyone is really watching them, or if, like most people I know, they just turn the TV onto something for the white noise that drives away the silence so many people can't stand.
A show I would watch, though, is a show similar to The Bachelor or Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire called Gold Digger.
In it, 25 fresh young women would court an 85 year-old billionaire.
Oh, how hilarity would ensue as the girls move from revulsion at his wasted, liver-spotted frame to a do-it-for-the-money rationale.
Then as the pool of girls drains over the course of the season, we will see the finalist tell us through a veil of tears how she could see beyond the respirator and how she really connect with the dirty-old man beneath. How they would try and try to convince us that it's not about the money.
Now that would be worth watching.
Or how about this, after the election, all failed presidential candidates square off in a new form of celeb-rity boxing.
Picture Dole clubbing Dukakis with his gimpy arm, or Gore swinging stiffly at Nader, seeking revenge for 2000.
Better yet, we could have Straight Eye for the Queer Guy, in which queens and metrosexuals learn the sloppy living and dressing habits of "real men." It would be like The Birdcage, but every week! The final round could take place at a local Hooters, and the guys would have to saunter around, ogle the girls and grunt at one another.
The thing that's always gotten me about reality TV is that no one has really tapped into that visceral aspect of it. Most of these shows are mere chronicles of human depravity, how low people will sink for a big pay off. I just wish someone at one of the networks would really tap into their true potential and give us something worth watching.
