Some things just don't go together.
They are opposed on a fundamental level. They can't coexist harmoniously.
Take fire and ice, for example. Or life and death. Or Sonny and Cher.
Then there is this: poor defense and winning football.
So far, Memphis has managed to retain both in a tenuous balance.
For one week, they defied the universal laws of football.
Last Saturday against The U of M, Arkansas State amassed 507 total yards and 418 passing yards. They scored 35 points, compared to 23 points in their previous two games combined.
They spread the field and attacked the Memphis secondary. Indians quarterback Nick Noce's four touchdown passes covered an average of 34.5 yards.
Yet the Tigers narrowly escaped with a 47-35 win over ASU.
Somewhere, The Twilight Zone theme song must have been playing.
Memphis won a game they had no right to win. They trailed for 58 minutes of the game. They scored 21 points in less time than it took the long line of Memphis fans that left the game early to reach their cars. They showed a will to win, which for one week triumphed over statistical evidence.
And Coach Tommy West is not apologizing for that.
"I don't apologize for winning," he said.
He shouldn't. West should be happy his Tigers managed to defy the odds.
But stats are not meaningless. While they are imperfect tools, they offer compelling evidence. And as a season progresses, they become more and more telling. While stats never tell the whole story, they can allow us to decipher trends.
And so far the Tigers have established two irreconcilable trends: An undefeated record and lousy defensive play.
Sooner or later one has to give.
And everybody knows it, including West.
In his press conference, West called out every area of his defense.
He was disappointed with the play of his secondary. Ditto the team's linebackers and pass rush.
He knows they have to get better in a hurry.
Last week, the Tigers' pass defense made Noce look like the second coming of David Klingler. This week, they meet UAB signal caller Darrell Hackney, who threw for 231 yards and two touchdowns against last season's tough Tigers defense.
"They've got a quarterback that keeps the ball alive to make plays," West said. "They did that to us last year; we have to play better at linebacker, otherwise they'll pound us with the run and play action."
Memphis will also have to deal with another negative trend: their lack of success against UAB. The Blazers are to the Tigers like the Yankees are to the Red Sox: unbeatable. No current Tigers players have defeated UAB in their career, posting an 0-4 record since 1999.
None of this means Memphis is doomed to failure. At 3-0, they're right where they want to be. Every week offers another chance to prove you're team is better on that day. It's another chance to reverse their defensive trend and lengthen their winning streak.
And for West, wins are the only numbers that matter.
"Just as long as we keep winning, I'll be fine," West said at his weekly press conference. "It doesn't matter (how we win). What matters is the three games we played, we were good enough to beat the teams we played."
He's right. Memphis has played well enough to win.
Fortunately, Memphis has eight games remaining to show what kind of team they are. They just can't maintain the current status quo.
Memphis can't give up 500 yards and win. They can't give up 35 points and win.
Sooner or later, the other shoe will drop.
And one of these trends will be broken, while the other survives.
So which will it be? Will the Tigers be the team that hands out more yardage than a carpet salesman? Or are they the undefeated team with a knack for winning tough games?
They can't have both. Even "The Twilight Zone" couldn't last forever.
