Arguments are just part of the territory in relationships. Andwhile arguing all the time is not healthy, never arguing may not begood either.
It's more how you argue -- than how often -- that isimportant.
Is your fighting style WWF -- throwing anything mobile andscreaming obscenities? Or are your fights more quiet, littered withsubtle sarcastic comments?
I have one drama-loving friend who seizes every opportunity toget into a fight. She gets in your face and acts so tough she mightas well ask if you can smell what the Rock is cookin'.
These types of fighters are almost impossible to deal with whileagitated. Wait long enough, and they will burn all their anger andbe a sobbing mess like they were burned and doused with water andare now a charred wet rag.
I've found it best to let their anger rage on, uninterrupted. Donot bother with logic, and whatever you do, don't try to matchtheir energy level, which can be like throwing gasoline on thefire.
Another friend who recently fought with his much youngergirlfriend helped support the "girls mature faster" theory.
When irritated, he has a tendency to cut her down to size bybelittling her lack of useless knowledge. She is no dummy, but sheis much younger and doesn't know all the lyrics to 8Ball &MJG's "Mr. Big," nor has she seen the movie Goodfellas. But what'sthat got to do with love?
Sometimes people who use the belittling method of arguing areinsecure with themselves, so putting others down makes them feelsuperior.
Who cares if the girl doesn't know who Joe Montana is? She wasonly a toddler at the height of his career!
One of the most irritating types of fighters is the categoryinto which I sometimes fall. These fighters are quiet, and younever really know when they're mad. But when they blow, it's like avolcano overdue for an eruption.
These people try not to let anything bother them and are verydifficult to get to, but all at once, that pent up energy fromprevious fights that never occurred gets poured into one outburst-- a very unhealthy way to fight.
Although most people won't admit it, we all like an occasionalargument. It can be frustrating when someone has a reason to be madbut acts like everything is OK.
So whatever your fighting style, recognize it and give yoursweetie a break. Throw the old worn out flats instead of theknock-em dead stilettos next time.
As always I welcome comments and questions at tnamore@yahoo.com.
Oh, and just to clear the air, I am not anti-Utah. The commentin last week's column about most people outside of Utah beingopposed to having affairs was poking fun at the history of polygamyin that state.
