Do not read this column any further -- it is bad for you and/ormorally and ethically wrong.
Those of you reading this sentence have proved my point. Whensomething or someone is off-limits, it only peaks our interest.
The person or object becomes undeniably tempting, and like theravenous people we can sometimes be, we devour the covetedobject.
Why do we always want what we can't or aren't supposed tohave?
Is it our constantly unsatisfied state of being? Or does this goway back to craving a taste of the forbidden fruit?
Take love affairs, for example. They are wrong, most peopleliving outside Utah would agree. However, they are somehow moreexciting than a normal relationship. They are glamorized in music(Fabolous -- "Can't Let You Go") and in film (Moonstruck,Unfaithful).
Along similar lines is the widely-known rule, especially amongthe fairer sex, that ex-boyfriends are off-limits.
Some ladies lay claim to men they're simply crushing on,regardless of whether the feeling is mutual, which makes the manunavailable to all her friends, even if nothing transpires betweenthe two.
Where do you draw the line? Do you deny your feelings to obeythe rules or do you risk a friendship to follow your heart?
When I experienced this situation, I put my feelings aside forsomeone for two years and remained friends out of respect for afriend. Although they had only dated a brief time, I was told byother friends to stay away.
So I did. Over the years, I became very close with the guy whilemy friend and I grew further apart. On top of that, she hadrecently married.
How long should I have waited? If I were any more prudent, you'dhave to send me to the nunnery. Now don't call me Britney -- Ididn't steal the man away.
But I finally threw caution to the wind and am happy to say Iexperienced a friendship that turned into something much more.
In this situation, you must balance the good and the bad.
First, think about the quality and quantity of the pastrelationship. There is a difference between dating briefly andhaving a relationship that lasted several years.
Second, take into account the current friendship. Will acting onyour feelings cause the friendship to end? Can you live withthat?
Third, decide how strong your feelings for the person are. Wouldyou be giving up on something great if you choose to stay away?
If you decide to go for it, be honest. Let your friend know,preferably in advance, that you value the friendship the two of youshare, but you must follow your heart.
If you have any topics you would like to discuss, comments orquestions e-mail me at tnamore@yahoo.com.
