Like many fathers, Brad struggled to get his son up and readyfor school each morning.
Often his frustration turned to anger, not because his son'ssluggishness made him late, but because Brad wanted to get to work30 minutes early so he could cruise porn sites on his computer.
"It shows the ridiculous lengths I would go to look atpornography," he said.
Brad told his therapist that he looked at pornography andmasturbated at work. But even without his therapist's warnings, heknew he would ultimately get caught, and when he did 18 monthslater, he lost not only his job but also his wife and son.
"People may think it's a harmless thing, but I've lost a job anda family," he said.
Though sexual addiction is snickered at by some and scoffed atby others, the dangers of it are very real for Brad and others.
Compulsive sexual behavior dominates a sex addict's life,according to Dr. Patrick Carnes, the first to write about sexualaddiction in his book, "Out of the Shadows: Understanding SexualAddiction." Carnes founded the National Council on Sexual Addictionand Compulsivity in 1987, which estimates six to eight percent ofAmericans, or 16 to 21 million people, suffer from thisaddiction.
According to Carnes, no single activity defines sexualaddiction, except the consumption of a person's life by thatactivity. Behavior could include compulsive masturbation,compulsive sexual relationships, pornography, prostitution,exhibitionism, voyeurism and indecent phone calls.
Losing control of certain behaviors, continuing behavior despitenegative consequences, obsessing over certain acts and progressingor escalating behaviors to reach the same "high" comprise alladdiction, according to the web site of Faithful and True, arecovery program for sex addicts.
Brad compulsively masturbated as often as seven times a day, hesaid.
It is completely feasible, though not proven, to get addicted tothe "high" from orgasm, according to University of Memphis biologyprofessor David Freeman.
At orgasm, the hormone prolactin is released into the body.Prolactin release is triggered by dopamine, an importantneurotransmitter for the brain, but one often associated withaddiction, he said.
The sexual addicts Brad has known also struggle with otheraddictions like alcohol and narcotics.
According to Carnes's web site, www.sexhelp.com, 42 percent of sexaddicts also have a chemical dependency, 38 percent have an eatingdisorder and 28 percent are compulsive workers.
Like many boys, Brad started as a young teenager looking atPlayboy. He built a stash of magazines and peeped on relatives andneighbors.
As he grew older, he visited adult bookstores and strip clubsoccasionally, sometimes engaging in anonymous gay sex through"glory holes" in the booths of the book stores. He evenexperimented with bestiality. It was the proliferation andaccessibility of pornography on the internet in the mid-1990s thathooked him.
"It was so cheap," he said. "The internet is like putting aneedle in my vein. I don't have to go anywhere."
Brad ventured into an affair, which began in online chat roomsbut eventually became physical. He told his wife about it, and shestayed, but he had grown emotionally distant as he became moresecretive about his habits. They had sex only two or three times ayear, if at all.
The consequences facing the sex addict are numerous. Accordingto Carnes, 72 percent obsess about suicide and 70 percent havesevere marital or relationship problems. Sixty-eight percent riskexposure to a sexually transmitted disease or AIDS. Other troublesinclude unwanted pregnancies, abortions, loss of spouses and jobsand legal risks.
"It's just a natural desire to have sex," he said. "It's hard tofight these urges."
Sex addiction can be hard to break, even for those who may staysober from other substances, he said.
"One year of sobriety (for sex addiction) compares with six toeight years with something else," said Brad, who admitted to being"sober" for only about 24 hours.
Sexual addiction recovery groups like Sexual Addicts Anonymous,Bethesda Workshop and Faithful and True are a combination oftraditional 12-step programs and Christian counseling.
For Brad, faith is the biggest help.
"I've learned that instead of giving up, you have to start overevery day and pray about it," he said.
One of the biggest difficulties with coping is the ridicule sexaddicts receive about their burden. People don't want to talk aboutit, Brad said.
Roughly 80 percent of the addicts are men.
American culture, Brad said, does not allow men to open up abouttheir problems. Admitting any kind of sexual problem provokesgreater feelings of shame, he said.
Additionally, many people who suffer from sex addiction enduredsexual, physical or psychological abuse as children, Brad said.
"We have had so many hurts, and we've just been abandoned, andwe just want to be accepted," he said.
