For the first time in over 30 years, the hectic conclusion ofthe fall semester at The University of Memphis does not justinvolve writing papers and studying. Tiger fans have beenscrambling to buy tickets and book hotel rooms. The Big Easy isabout to have more guests from the Bluff City than ever before.
At the beginning of the semester, who would have ever thoughtthat the Tiger football team would be bowling in December at aplace other than Billy Hardwick's All Star Lanes? No one could haveever imagined that so many Memphians would be getting ready to eatbeignets, drink hand grenades, and throw beads.
The biggest story of the semester at The U of M has been thefootball team. Can anything next semester live up to this?
One would think not. But, next semester should be exciting.
So, I have decided to combine my only two talents -- writing andpredicting the future.
Here are my predictions for the Spring 2004 semester:
Tiger Basketball will finally announce that the team will leaveThe Pyramid after the 2003-2004 season. As a surprise to many, itwill be announced that The U of M's new home for basketball will beThe Desoto County Civic Center.
Hanging out in front of the UC will never be the same againafter the steps are replaced with escalators.
Around the Horn on ESPN will do a special week of shows withcolumnists whose columns appear on Wednesdays on the fourth page ofConference USA college newspapers.
Due to the success of the show Las Vegas, NBC will come toMemphis to cast actors for a spin-off series called Tunica.
CMT will be seen on the TV in the UC. Thirty minutes later, pigswill fly.
The computer labs in the library and Smith Hall will get brandnew computers... again.
In their continuous effort to be creative and waste money, TheUniversity will begin construction on a new fountain that will beplaced on top of a new clock tower that will be made completely outof flat screen plasma TVs.
My weekly column will return, but it will include lessreferences to sports and more references to the movie FindingNemo.
The Russian and Chinese language programs will officially beeliminated from The University. Though, "Whale" will be offered asthe newest foreign language at The U of M.
The first ever Sports Illustrated On Campus-Swimsuit Editionwill be printed.
R.C. Johnson will resign as U of M Athletic Director to starthis own band- RC/DC. When the band fails to succeed, Johnson willopen his own bar and grill called R.C. Tracks.
Now go to class.... and GO TIGERS!
