A lot of different people hate a lot of different types of things, but something that’s gotta be on the top of just about everyone’s hate list is waking up in the morning...more specifically the noise that wakes you up in the morning.
You know, that noise that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand on end....makes your skin crawl....makes every cell in your entire body scream, like in the words of fitness guru Susan Powder, “Stop it, stop the insanity!”
If you’re having trouble thinking of one, then let me help you out; think about the noise that wakes you up in the mornings, whether it be an annoying beep from a crappy, ten-dollar alarm clock or someone’s screeching voice that makes you teeth grind uncontrollably.
We can put a man on the moon, we can clone a sheep and we can even bring an NBA team to Memphis, but we still can’t build a machine that’s capable of waking someone up without pissing them off.
In high school, it was my mother’s voice that woke me up. “Wake up Daniel,” she would say. “Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, it’s time for school,” her voice gradually getting louder, until the paint on the wall began to peel and glass began to shatter throughout the entire neighborhood.
In reality, these people or electrical devices are providing us a service. Right?
I know that I would be in a much worse mood if my alarm clock didn’t go off at all, rather than if it woke I up on time with that same old, grating noise.
We should appreciate it when people take time out of their day to wake our lazy butts up. Shouldn’t we?
Yes, of course we should be pleased with it, but when I am waken up each morning, I feel anything but thankful to the good people of General Electric.
And another thing about alarm clocks...who ever thought of putting a snooze button on them?
That damned snooze button has caused me to be late for class, appointments, and everything else important I’ve ever had to do in the mornings.
An alarm clock offering a snooze button is like offering a death row prisoner, already strapped into the electric chair, a button to delay his execution seven more minutes; it’s an offer that’s just to hard to refuse.
But why seven minutes? Why not 15 or 30?
Why not make it an amount of time worth rolling back over for?
It’s not even worth pushing the button for a lousy seven minutes. All that seven more minutes will do is make me late for class.
Why not make an alarm clock without a snooze button at all? Or at least one that yelled at you when you pushed it, maybe something like, “Get up you lazy bum! You’re already late!”
And, to all of you, “morning people,” that make things so hard on he rest of us, I’m just Tellin’ Like It Is.
