The cast of the new horror flick 13 Ghosts is not a sure fire on-screen combination like the forthcoming Ocean's 11, starring George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Brad Pitt and Andy Garcia, but it isn't a bad mix of actors, either. With a comedic guy like Tony Shahloub, a slap-stick wizard like Matthew Lillard and a hot babe like Shannon Elizabeth, you would expect 13 Ghosts to be an enjoyable — if not ground-breaking — horror flick. Unfortunately, it’s a complete dud.
And that’s a sad thing, considering how poorly the horror genre has been doing lately. Okay, Joy Ride was highly entertaining, but it was classified as suspense rather than blood, guts and gore.
Today's horror audience has gotten smarter while horror movies have gotten dumber. We’ve come to expect films to be of the caliber of Scream and what we’re getting is crap like Jeepers Creepers.
So what is wrong with 13 Ghosts? More like, what isn’t wrong. The plot has more holes than — well I will refrain from a cheesy doughnut shop joke here.
A crazy, adventure-seeking ghost-hunting uncle (F. Murray Abraham) dies, leaving his nephew and his two kids (Shannon Elizabeth and Alec Roberts) his messed-up glass house.
Naturally, the house is just swarming with all kinds of ghosts and ghouls.
Before long, the ghosts have trapped the family and their nanny (Rah Digga) inside the house. Fortunately, a psychic (Scream's Matthew Lillard) happens to get trapped in the house as well.
As for the acting, it is about as bad as it gets. Words can't even describe how horrible Rah Digga is. She plays the part with as much intensity and skill as any local church production actor might. Actually, her acting is the only scary part of the whole movie. Shannon Elizabeth is almost as bad, but at least her bombshell looks help you forget.
Weak premise and poor acting aside, I must be nice about one thing. This is a flashy production. The house itself is the most amazing character. Matthew Lillard's psychic visions show signs of great editing and film work.
The ghosts are all made up as realistically as one might expect. The unique ways the characters are killed are creative and creepy.
Unfortunately, the movie is over before you even know what is really going on. This waste of talent and technology is another sad example of what might have been. Until Hollywood wises up and starts trying to outsmart the horror customer when it has created, the customer is only going to become smarter and smarter.
Eventually, we will all be smart enough to skip dumb movies like this one.
Grade: F
R, 91 minutes
