Dating is one of the most common practices associated with the college experience.
Online dating services, speed dating and dating hotlines have added new dimensions to the age-old practice, but some of the relationship basics have remained the same.
“I want honesty out of a relationship,” said Annette Wint, a senior majoring in English at The University of Memphis.
One of the newest trends is speed dating. In the past year, speed dating has become a part of popular culture.
According to the Speed Dating website, Yaacov Deyo, a Los Angeles rabbi, came up with the idea because of his concern about the number of Jews marrying outside the faith. The concept is only about a year old.
Speed dating is a way to meet eligible people quickly. A person sits down at a table with another eligible person for eight minutes. The two people spend time talking and getting to know the basics about the other person. After the eight minutes is up, one of the people (usually the man) gets up and moves to the next table. This routine repeats seven times. No one knows the results of the speed dating event until the next day, after everyone has made a decision about each of the people they met, according to the Speed Dating website. Speed dating events started out in Los Angeles, but have spread to 22 other cities — including Memphis.
Other ways to meet people- especially if the 8-minute
marathon date isn’t what you’re looking for- include online dating services and dating hotlines, both of which help connect people to others with the same interests. These two devices allow people to spend time getting to know each other before actually meeting in person.
Knowing what attracts two people to each other is a very important aspect of dating and relationships. However, the information available on initial attraction and actual relationship is often contradictory. Most agree, though, that men and women have very different approaches to relationships.
Paula Church, a licensed professional counselor with Church and Associates, said the initial attraction for both males and females is visual. After the initial attraction, men and women capture the opposite sex’s attention in different ways. Both men and women flirt and dress up to attract the opposite sex, but they do so in varied ways.
The types of relationships college people are in have changed in the past few years, according to Church. Statistically, people are getting married and starting families later in life. Many men and women are pursuing education and careers before settling down.
Bill Flat, a doctor of counseling and psychology, said to be cautious and observant when dating. Dating can show some of the first indications of future problems. He said to spend time getting to know each other before moving the relationship forward.
Problems in a relationship begin to show up after the initial attraction has faded somewhat.
“The indicators are there all along, but they get worse with time,” said Flat.
Healthy personalities are what produce healthy relationships, according to Flat. People who have nurturing personalities tend to be the nurturer within the relationship. The best relationships come about with intimacy, said Flat.
Defining intimacy will also define a good relationship. Being at ease with a person, wanting to help a person, talking, listening and sharing are all parts of being intimate and having a good relationship, according to Flat.
Flat also agreed that males and females want different things out of relationships. Males want to fix the problems that arise and women want understanding. Men always come up with advice on what to do whereas women just want a listening ear and a hug.
Relationships are about mutual respect, according to Flat. He suggested a good relationship involves spending quality time together.
“Zeroing in on your partner shows that you value them,” said Flat.
University of Memphis students have their own opinions about what the opposite sex wants out of relationships, and what they want out of the opposite sex.
“I want a man who is focused and goal-oriented,” said Wint.
Lee Howell, a sophomore majoring in elementary education, admitted that he has to be physically attracted before the relationship can begin. In order to get to know someone, there has to be an attraction, he said.
“If she’s physically attractive, I hope she’s got a personality,” said Howell.
He explains himself by saying personality is the most important aspect, but in order to get to know a person there has to be a physical attraction.
Both sexes at The University of Memphis are looking for more than just a relationship. Men and women a like are looking for honesty and a great friendship.
“She has to be a great friend first,” said Brian Rogers, a senior majoring in communication. “Someone fun to be around is essential to the growth of the relationship.”
