“Whenever someone hands you a mic, you sing.”
Lillian Frank spoke these prophetic words as she coerced her shy daughter Billie into joining her in a duet at a jazz club in the new release Glitter.
A little helpful advice should’ve also been mentioned to Mariah Carey that just because someone hands you a script doesn't mean you act it out. This little tidbit could've saved the singer from doing further harm to her already fragile career and state of mind.
In the unintentionally funny Glitter, Carey stars as Billie Frank, an ambitious young singer whose alcoholic mother sends her to an orphanage where she meets her best friends Roxanne (Tia Texada) and Louise (Da Brat).
Fast forward to 1983 where the girls are singing backup for a performer that would put Milli Vanilli to shame. Billie's saving grace is DJ Dice (Max Beesley), who becomes her producer and boyfriend.
Originally thought to be the next fame-seeking story not unlike A Star is Born, Glitter falls flat on its face with a mind-numbingly dull script full of clichés with simple and corny lines.
But there can be no corny line without corny characters to deliver them.
Dice's New York accent is so over- exaggerated it's a wonder how Beesley managed to get through his lines without a severe headache. And Billie's habit of saying "like" in every other sentence gets real old real fast. (I mean, like, how annoying is that?)
Even critically acclaimed director Vondie Curtis Hall couldn't save this film, regardless of how many close-ups he gave Carey. Her underdeveloped character left a lot to be desired, and not once did she appear comfortable in front of the camera.
Perhaps Carey's awkwardness stemmed from lack of anything better to say?
Not likely. The characters lacked stage presence even during the scenes without any dialogue. The only time this becomes a moot point are the parts when Carey belts out a tune, which unfortunately are few and far between.
Despite the film's numerous negative points, there are a few highlights, including a retro soundtrack reminiscent of pop and old school rap and a quick glimpse at the New York skyline 18 years before the fatal attack on the World Trade Center.
Overall, Glitter misses its mark of being a movie of substance, let alone a camp favorite. If it generates any kind of emotion from the audience it will be sympathy for all the Raspberry nominations sure to come its way.
And if waxing sentimental isn't enough to lure you to the theater, consider waiting until the film is released on video. By then the glitter and glam will have worn off, no pun intended.
Oh wait, it already has.
Grade: D-
PG-13, 98 minutes
