It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s The Pizza Man!
In the late 1950s, an American super-hero emerged, serving the public with four wheels and a insulated square plastic bag.
“It’s crazy the kind of effect we have on people out there,” said seven-year driver James Ray. “Man, I might as well have a big ‘S’ on my chest the way they react. I feel like I’m saving the damn day, and it’s only pizza.”
As thousands of hungry people call their favorite pizza restaurants every day, they often are unfazed when the operator says the delivery will take 45 minutes,
“Oh, I could wait all night.” or “Whatever it takes, just get that man to bring me a pizza.” are common responses, according to Ray.
“When we do get there, it might as well be New Year’s Eve, because everyone hits the roof,” Ray said. “I mean, the kids are screaming, ‘pizza man, pizza man’ through the house, and then some man in his 50s comes running full speed around the corner, and they all run off chanting and singing with the pizza box.”
Ray said he feels like he’s providing life support to some pizza customers.
“No lie, I’ve delivered to the same lady four times in a day and not just once,” Ray said. “‘I never know when I’m going to need it,’ is what they say. Need? It’s pizza, not oxygen.”
College students make up about half of a pizza delivery person’s nightly rounds, according to drivers.
David Steinberg, manager of a University of Memphis area pizzeria, said students alone could keep his store afloat.
“I’d be willing to say we spend as much time over there (at the U of M) as the students do,” he said. “They can’t get enough. I mean the same room will order even two and three times a day. It’s crazy how much they depend on us.”
There’s more to a driver’s life than what’s in the bag that keeps the pizza warm. Customers may be all smiles when peeking through the hot steam of a fresh pizza at their door, but all sorts of adventures lurk nearby.
“Man, I’ve seen my share,” said Russell Pope, a five-year driver. “Have you ever been chased around a yard by a barking 4-year-old? This kid was on all fours, teeth all hanging over his lip, barking ferociously and really moving pretty fast. The mom’s just smiling, and I’m thinking, ‘I’m a driver for God’s sake, not a chew toy for your kid.’”
On the college run, drivers said, there’s no telling what they are going to see. It might be a religious gathering or it could be nude silhouettes running in front of a frat house.
“I’ve seen a little more than I could handle a few times,” said driver Blair Fowler, a female “pizza man.” “I delivered to this U of M frat party one night, and I usually expect something a little weird there. How would you react to two guys, buck, in nothing but shoes and hats with a handful of change? Would you want to touch the change?”
Delivery drivers find that money is not the only payment proposed by pizza customers.
“I guess because our drivers are so young, kids think they can get them with a little smoke,” Steinberg said. But marijuana is not the only alternative payment pizza customers try to use.
“I’ve been offered term papers to textbooks for my pizza, not to mention booze and everything else,” Pope said.
Chris Ulander, seven-year-driver, said he has been offered sex for a 12-inch pizza.
“What exactly should I say to legs and a lacy, red negligee thing? I have a pizza, and she don’t want to pay. Hmmm.”
Well, there is nothing like the sound of a truck screeching into the driveway and a pair of work boots heading your way to slap some sense into you, according to Ulander.
“Not only did I see red, but I saw her husband see red because of it,” Ulander said.
Even well-known Memphians are not immune to the pizza bug.
“Jerry Lawler loves our freakin’ pizza,” Pope said. “He orders as much as anyone, and he’s like the kids, too. He waits at the door and chants as you walk up. That seems a little odd for a guy who gets cheered by like thousands. People just get too crazy about pizza. About pizza!”
Like bartenders, pizza delivery people often end up listening to people’s problems.
“Sometimes I feel like the ‘counselor-to-go,’” Ulander said. “There’s this one lady who spills her damn guts every time she sees me. “‘My foot hurts, my son called, my dog likes ER.’ It’s a little scary to brave those kinds of situations. On top of that, it’s always about George Clooney and her big poster of him.”
Ray said it seems like the only time some people crawl out is for a slice of pizza.
“I can’t imagine what some people do behind closed doors by the way they look when I ring the doorbell,” Ray said. “This one guy squeezes out of a two-inch crack, making sure you can’t peek inside, and when he gets out, he’s wearing boxers, no shirt, a fisherman’s hat and shoes every time. He’s sweating, head to toe, and soaked every time.”
Drivers say it is a tough job being desired by everyone, and customers say it is hard to imagine a world without the “Pizza Man.”
“On the American roads, they’re the stars, and to the American people, they’re the heroes,” Steinberg, smiling, said of pizza delivery drivers. “To the students, I guess they’re just a way of life.”
