And so it ends.
Another semester draws to close, another four months of my life that I will never get back.
It's not that hate, or even really dislike, college. I just don't see the point. We spend five years here learning things that we will never need.
Of course, if we don't learn these things and don't do well on the tests then we will be flipping burgers the rest of our lives. Such is the importance that society has placed on a college degree.
But, somehow, I always manage to learn a few valuable lessons every semester that will serve me later in life.
Such as, don't eat in any place that only stays open for four hours a day. Apparently that's not enough time to clean anything.
Or perhaps, a great smile and a quick wit will get you farther than any actual qualifications or experience.
Also, in every small group of people (class), there will be at least one person who has no idea of what is going on in the world around them. Get these people on your side because they are easiest to manipulate.
But enough of that, let's talk about final exams.
I say the best way to deal with these headaches is the insanity defense. Go to your exam and simply write the word "goldfish" all over your answer sheet. Then, halfway through the exam, stand up in your chair and rave about how aliens control the government.
Finally, grab the nearest purse, empty its contents on the floor and place it upside down on your head. Then run screaming at full speed out the door.
When the teacher fails you (and you know he or she will), sue The University for discriminating against your mental problems. Not only will you get an A in the class, you'll be much richer, as well.
Of course, you could just study -- but what fun would that be?
All joking aside, study for your exams, get some rest before your exams and don't get stressed out about your exams. That's the easiest way to pass, other than hiring a ringer to take the exam for you.
So there you have it, an entire semester of columns and only one paragraph of reasonable, logical thought (and I didn't even make it all the way through that paragraph).
Well, you get what you pay for, which just happens to be another one of the things I learned this semester.
By the way, to everyone that wrote me hate mail ... get yourself a behavioral studies textbook and look up "Pavlov's Dogs."
